I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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