Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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