There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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