I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
