its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
