Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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