Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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