I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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