just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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