You made me cry and you don't even care
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
