My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
