i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
