This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
