C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
