Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
