it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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