I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
