i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
