Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
