I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
