i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize