see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
