I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
