dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Damn victory sex feels great
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
