so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
