Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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