i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
honey bunches of taint.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
