I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
