If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
