Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
