your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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