Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize