I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize