Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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