i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
