is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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