There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
