Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
