Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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