i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
