i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
