you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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