Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
