ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
