Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
