I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
