I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
