When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
