i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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