you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
