I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
