the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
