apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
