Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
