Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
