Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
