trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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