I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude i'm inner monologue high
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
