You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
