Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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