his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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