I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
