I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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