It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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