Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
