Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
