i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
