You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
